Corrupt, illegitimate, authoritarian. I am, in this instance, not describing the Soviet Union, Zimbabwe or any other systematically corrupt political regime. I am talking about FIFA.

The 2018 World Cup is going to be held in Russia, a country with an autocratic, expansionist government, still in touch with its Soviet past and with an entrenched racism problem.This would not be the first controversial sporting event to be held in Russia, where a vague law passed prior to the 2014 Winter Olympics at Sochi banned the distribution of material in favour of “non-traditional sexual relationships” among minors, which has been quite rightly condemned as homophobic.

FIFA has also awarded the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, where construction workers have been slavishly working (and dying at a rate of one every two days in 2014) to prepare for a winter World Cup which would disrupt the entire football calendar. In fact, 1.4 million migrant workers live in unhygienic and overcrowded conditions, and little progress has been made to reform the kafala system of exploitation whereby workers are essentially ‘owned’ by their employers.

The International Trade Union Confederation’s General Secretary, Sharan Burrow, has dubbed Qatar a “21st century slave state’”. Giving this tiny, footballingly anonymous Gulf state the World Cup was “one of the most ludicrous decisions in the history of sport”, according to former FA chairman David Bernstein. He is surely correct.

Sepp Blatter has ruled FIFA since 1998. He is currently standing for his fifth term, despite promising not to run for presidential re-election and having run uncontested in 2011.

Indeed, he has not participated in a single election without allegations of bribery and corruption being thrown his way. Of course he does have at least some ethical principles: he did recently insist that Qatar should do more for its workers. You don’t say, Sepp! But why on earth did you award them the World Cup in the first place? Blatter is clearly not fit for the job, something that is underlined by the sexist comments he made in 2004 about female footballers, suggesting they “wear tighter shorts and low cut shirts… to create a more female aesthetic”.

This piece isn’t really intended to be a report into corruption in FIFA – I have left that to the ‘experts’. In all its moral integrity, FIFA launched an internal investigation into corruption, which cleared Russia and Qatar of any wrongdoing. For now, that is.

Surprise surprise, the published version has been criticised for being incomprehensive by the very lawyer, Michael Garcia, who conducted the initial 430 page inquiry, stating that “[the 42 page published summary] contains numerous materially incomplete and erroneous representations”. In any case, crucial pieces of evidence about the alleged bribery involved in the Russian and Qatari World Cup bids have mysteriously disappeared, or have been destroyed.

I do, however, want to suggest a solution to the FIFA problem. The only way to expunge FIFA of corruption is to boycott it. I do not propose an anarcho-syndicalist attempt to depose football’s governing body. Football does need an umbrella organisation, mainly to act as legislators of the game and to coordinate worldwide tournaments. But direct action is necessary for its reform. I propose a boycott of Russia 2018, followed by a recasting of votes for the 2022 World Cup. Only serious and radical action can uphold the moral credibility of FIFA. A boycott is the only way to keep the ‘beautiful’ in the beautiful game.

This is, of course, extremely idealistic, and can only be successful if there is universal assent – or at least the assent of the great footballing nations. What is a World Cup without Brazil, Spain and Germany (and dare I add England)? Qataris themselves would certainly rather watch another Argentina vs Germany final than seeing Qatar face North Korea (or any nation unlikely to abide by this international boycott).

What is FIFA if there is a unanimous refusal to turn up to its tournaments? And, who knows, given that every country has its own football association, surely there can be multilateral agreements to provide football compensation for Russia 2018?

It would pain me to miss a World Cup. But ethics and democracy do matter. FIFA does not abide by those fundamental principles. I want to see a World Cup in the country with the bid that has the highest value – not in terms of the cash involved in backroom deals. I want to see an organisation that is accountable and acts in the best interests of the sport – not dominated by rich, power-hungry men acting in their own vested interests. To improve the game, we need to improve its main player.

Bernstein was right: FIFA is “beyond ridicule”. It is indeed a joke. But this joke is not funny.