I was so sure that I wasn’t going to be a statistic. I mean, university was going to be a cakewalk compared to Spain, right? We would no longer have to go months on end without seeing each other, probably only a couple of weeks at most. And then everything was going to be fine and dandy and we’d end up getting married and having babies and a dog called Al and live happily ever after for ever and ever…

For context: I took a “gap yah”, and I managed to last nearly a year in a LDR despite living abroad for months at a time. But then I came to Cambridge and my two year relationship was over by Week 4. What happened?
Well, there is no one answer. That’s the thing with relationships, there can never be a one-size-fits-all generalisation because every relationship is different. All I can do is talk from my own experience, with the risk that it might not be relevant to you in the slightest. But I’m probably right. I am an all-knowing “gap yah” wanker after all. And my advice to you, dear reader, is for the love of God don’t start university in a relationship.

I was very cocky when I came to Cambridge. Here I was, surrounded by people from the year below who weren’t as cultured or as mature as me, right? These youngsters, fresh out of school, probably didn’t have a clue what they were doing. I had spent time abroad getting high with people in their late 20s, I’d discovered myself and, of course, I was in my cushy LDR - I had my shit together.

Alas, it turned out in fact that my shit wasn’t together at all. Two terms in and it still isn’t. University, especially Cambridge, will change you in ways that you’d never imagined. And that’s where everything starts to go tits up. You’re in a new place, surrounded by attractive and intelligent people, some ridiculously so. This place becomes your home, your friends become your new family, the library becomes your prison, and alcohol becomes your God. It becomes incredibly difficult to devote the same energy to your bae back home when there’s so much other stuff going on, and that’s when things start to fall apart.

My breakup was pretty horrible. I was a blubbering mess for most of Michaelmas, as my friends can attest to.

I was incredibly naïve, but looking back now a few months later, I realise that it was the single best thing that could have happened to me at that time in my life. Sure, the single life is pretty depressing if you’ve come straight out of a loving relationship, especially if it’s your first. It sucks not having someone to spoon, cuddle, and be completely comfortable around. Regular sex is pretty sweet too. I mean, I’m not asking for much here Cam; I know it’s highly unlikely that I’ll meet the love of my life in Cindies, just as Wonderwall comes on for the 4th godforsaken time in the night, but it’d be nice to meet someone, well... nice, for once. But for all the uncertainty, rejection, and meaningless drunken pulls, there’s also a lot less pressure. I no longer have to answer to anybody but myself; I don’t have to feel guilty anymore for having fun. It’s incredibly liberating.

Admittedly, it was comforting to start university in a relationship. It took a lot of pressure off social interactions during Freshers, which meant that I could get to know most of the opposite sex without being a nervous wreck. That’s the hidden problem with LDRs. They’re like that smelly blankie you used to drag around with you as a little kid: sure, it makes you feel safe but eventually you outgrow it.

Granted, not everyone is in the same position as me. At my college, there are quite a few people in relationships with people outside the Cambridge bubble and they seem pretty content. Technology certainly helps; Skype sessions will be a regular fixture if you want to keep things going. Travel costs can be somewhat minimised with a student railcard. And it’s fun to share all of the new things in your life with them when they come to visit.

However, it does have its drawbacks. Most of these people haven’t integrated socially into college life, and it can be difficult to try to reintroduce yourself in Lent term when all the cliques have started to form. Staying with your partner is entirely possible, but it requires a lot of sacrifices, sacrifices that in my opinion we shouldn’t really be making this early in our lives.
So, to LDR or not to LDR? That is the question. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. As nastily as it ended, my relationship was incredibly important to me, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today were it not for my ex.

Saying that, I realise now that the distance just made things too difficult, and we drifted apart. I think it’s much better to cut your losses, take those experiences forward with you into the future and enjoy university without any constraints. But what do I know, eh?