The scene of 100s of medics stampeding out of their exam, released from the iron cage of rationality is strangely reminiscent of the hectic annual crossing made by buffalos across the Serengeti River. Once these captive animals are set free, their fellow kin come join in celebration by dancing around the released students and pouring “champagne” down their necks. Having smelly cheap cava soaking your clothes isn’t, as many would assume, very pleasant. Nevertheless a talismanic symbol of freedom it brings joy to the mind of the emancipated students, topped off by the rapidly accelerating sense of Dionysian joy as their lightweight bloodstreams have alcohol pumped into them.

Euphorically walking down King’s Parade, feeling on top of the world, bottle of cava in each hand, such extravagance, despite being frowned upon by the Daily Mail, is well-deserved. It is this level of extravagance, however, that many of us cannot afford to sustain.

Some have a tendency to avoid thinking about problems before they are forced to confront them. Such is the case with many Cambridge students who have buried their heads in books but given little concern for the practicalities of how much money is actually in their bank account.

You don’t have to think about that during exam term, right? No excessive purchasing of VKs, no drunken rogue decisions to scroll on Amazon and buy that unneeded coffee pecolator. The only extravagances are “Cigarettes and Pro Plus”, to misquote Oasis.But checking the bank account balance after the May ball tickets have degraded your savings is never a pleasant experience.

So how to survive May Week on a shoestring budget is of primary concern.Strolling down the aisles of Sainsbury's and Aldi, the student shopper is able to come across some surprising deals.

Forget the Pimms and Hendrick’s gin. A girl can only dream of such luxuries. The cavernous pits of Cindies and Life demands something of more reliably intoxicating substance. Aldi’s finest “Cocobay White Rum and Coconut”, or “Cocobae” as it is preferably known, promises such delights. Indeed, one complimentary online shopper by the name “bellinigirl57” noted “This tastes and smells just like Malibu for less than half the price!”. Bell, your sense of enthusiasm for a product gives me faith. Not that I really need it at £4.79.

What to eat? Sainsbury’s aisles are filled with suitably cheap delicacies which will not cause too much pain to your bank account. Why not get a can of Sainsbury’s Basics “Potatoes in  Water”, for the princely sum of 20p. Resist the thought that the two saddest words in the English language are “Sainsbury’s Basics”; the combination of potatoes in water here epitomises efficiency. Combining calorific starchiness and that perennial necessity, hydration, potatoes in water symbolise everything that modern capitalist society is about. All the buzzwords of the corporate world epitomising the cultural logic of late capitalism have deep meaning in relation to the unbelievable efficiency  of “Potatoes and Water” for 20p. SYNERGY- DYNAMISM- EFFICIENCY - POTATOES - WATER.

To make the process even more efficient you could incorporate the two and have a Cocopotato predrinks session.

The authors of this article apologize to any reader who was expecting to find useful information about how to realistically survive on a show string budget. We did our best.