I was promised a glorious summer of Shakespeare in the sunshine. I imagined myself luxuriously reclining on the Old Court lawn, the Complete Works in hand, a strawberry held between my lips, shoes off and bare toes in amongst the grass. I imagined each leisurely turn of the sunlit page, savouring every word and devouring play after play. I imagined the profound and deeply personal relationship that I would inevitably develop with William. 

But, alas poor Yorick – it was not to be. 

Instead, I find myself alone at my desk, curtains closed and stuffing my face with biscuits (bourbons in case you’re wondering). I’ve been lugging around a Completed Works which weighs about the same as a small child – not exactly casual reading material – and my current “bed time” is 9:30pm. I’m utterly exhausted. And I have no reason to be. Was I in the library from 8am-10pm studying for finals? No. I went to two mid-morning lectures, a supervision and a music rehearsal and tried to plough through a little more of Henry IV Part II which – I’m sorry to say, William – is a little bit crap. So, all in all, a fairly chill and uneventful day. You see, although History and English freshers have had their prelim exams, we’re not on holiday. It’s back to business as usual for us and it’s strangely exhausting. 

I think this exhaustion comes down to two things: Cambridge hysteria and the Cambridge time-warp. 

I’ve always felt like there’s a strange temporality in Cambridge where events can simultaneously feel like part of the distant past and like something that just happened yesterday but looking back through my diary I was absolutely astounded to discover that it has only been a week since I sat my prelims. Only a week. So, although I have already completed my first essay of what is assumed to be an “easy” term, my body is still in recovery from a month of revision masquerading as the Easter “Vacation”. If you think about it, for many English and History freshers, as well as many other students I’m sure, the work has been non-stop since January. No wonder my body appears to be giving up on me – demanding ten hours of sleep per night and craving anything coated in chocolate and dipped in sugar.

Then, there’s the hysteria. You can feel it. The air is thick with worry. The smell of sleepless nights and sweaty timed-essays oozes out from the library. Apparently, even the townies can sense the tension of Easter Term as they walk through the streets. I feel infected by it, smothered and suffocated by this smog of stress… Now, now, I know what you’re going to say – imagine how you’d feel if you were actually sitting exams in this atmosphere. But, I think it’s somehow worse to be an outsider – it’s like the Prelim-er is the friend who keeps you company in the smoking area. We’re breathing in the potent fumes of panic without the tobacco taste and nicotine kick. We’re the secondhand smoker excluded from the gang because we couldn’t possibly understand what everyone else is going through. And how can we share in the euphoric release of May Week when our exams have long since been and gone? Instead, like many others, I settled for an anti-climatic walk back to college after my exam to find an email about my first supervision of term. I proceeded to Cindies later that evening. In the morning, I faced a Roman Tragedy lecture with a killer hangover and that was that. Prelims done. Big woop. 

What’s worse is the complete lack of motivation felt by post-prelim students. Yes, we have a full on term of supervisions and lectures, but working towards an exam which is more than a year away makes day to day study feel so irrelevant – as if English students didn’t have enough reasons to avoid attending lectures! It’s hard enough anyway to push yourself to go to a 9am on “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight” when your essay topic is “Hamlet”. And, it’s even harder when you know you could be using that precious hour doing more important things – obviously I mean working on said essay and not having an extra morning coffee in the college bar. Put post-prelim blues into the mix and the lectures might as well all be cancelled.

 … So, here we are, stuck in this weird limbo: catching contagious stress and yet taking procrastination to a whole new level – a combo which has brought me here. Curtains closed. Biscuit packet empty. Everyone else still working hard in the library. 

Obviously, I can’t imagine the pressure and stress Finalists are currently experiencing and I foresee myself probably mocking little freshers stressing over prelims or complaining about their Easter Term essays when my time does come. Yet, I’ve been made to feel like I don’t have the right to complain about feeling tired. Any hint of a moan is received with scathing looks and a reply which highlights that I don’t have any upcoming exams. People seem to look on post-prelim students with envy but I think they forget that we have had to sit exams, they were just earlier, and now we have a full on term of work.

Of course, I can’t make out like it’s all doom and gloom – being free from the burden of looming exams has been pretty liberating. I think I’ve been on more nights out in one week than I did for the whole of Lent term. My liver, however, is playing the price. Waking up still inebriated has become the norm for me and I intend to campaign that the Van of Life be open at 9am to accommodate my intense desire for drunken chips. 

For people who keep reminding me and other Prelim-ers that they’re doing “real” exams and can’t have fun like us: consider yourself lucky, your liver will love you.