Someone once told me to expect the unexpected, but that was extremely unhelpful advice. Cambridge freshers' weeks are both predictable and formulaic, and any second year can tell you what to expect. It may be the best week of your life, it may be the worst, but whichever of these it turns out to be, there is no need to go in blind. So here are a few things I wish I had known those many (one) years ago... 

1. Fresher Friends

The main thing hanging over any freshers' week is the these-people-have-to-be-my-friends-for-the-next-three-years syndrome. Everyone knows people make their lifelong friends at University, many meet their future spouses here, some even say that if you can’t make friends at University you will never have any friends ever again.

Or maybe these were just my thoughts during freshers' week. This overwhelming sense of fear and dread, however, was all but alleviated when I was introduced to the concept of ‘freshers friends’. For the vast majority of second years, the friends you have during freshers' week will not be the friends you have for the rest of you Cambridge life, or your real life for that matter.

During freshers' people tend to make their friends based on accommodation blocks, who lives on their floor, and whoever happened to be sitting next to them at freshers formal. While this is a great settling in tactic, it doesn’t take John Logic to figure out that there is no reason why the people who have been randomly allocated to live near you should be soul mate material.

Also, if like me, you are banished to an isolated corner of college in which literally no one else lives, then the whole making friends with your floor thing seems very annoying. In both cases, rest assured that floor friends are often freshers friends, so be thankful we go to a collegiate university that really does provide a strong sense of community and loads of opportunities to get to know people outside of your staircase.

2. The Confusion of the Freshers Wristbands

The single most important and fundamental rule you will encounter during freshers' week; “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.” 

Okay, we don’t, but what we do with the same vehement determination as any pink-wearing Mean Girl at North Shore High School is go to Cindies. Every Wednesday. Without fail. And if it sounds like we are overly institutionalised nerds who can’t handle Change or Spontaneity, that’s because we are.

This is where the conundrum of the freshers' wristband comes in, providing you with a week that you will look back on dazzled and afraid in years to come. The gist is that there are certain club nights that Cantabrigians adhere to like the bible. Wednesday is Cindies, Thursday is Fez or Lola Lo’s, Friday and Saturday are Spoons and Sunday is Life. Oh, and Cindies is actually called Ballare and Life is actually called Kuda. We still call the clubs by the names they had in what was probably the 1980s – because of the aforementioned institutionalisation and inability to handle change. So when the freshers' wristband comes along and asks us to go to Fez on a Wednesday, don’t be confused when your second year college parents can be found rocking back and forth singing the chorus to the Lion King under their breath as they way up the pros and cons of cheaper entry to Fez versus the dubstep disney that only Cindies can really give you. 

3. Actually Doing Some Work

You know how at normal university, freshers' week is a buffer period to allow students to settle in and make friends without any of the added hassle or stress of essays and lectures? It’s time to throw out that dream right now.

Whether or not you will have work during freshers' week is really dependent on your supervisor and will vary completely between people. Lectures don’t start till the first Thursday of term, but some essay-happy supervisors may decide to give you your first essay title before this fateful day. If they do, don’t panic. 

Just joking – panic away, just panic with others. The worst thing you can do in your first week at Cambridge is lock yourself in your room with a pile of books and work alone while everyone else is getting to know each other. Instead, I would recommend a healthy dose of complaining to absolutely everyone, some emergency de-stress tea sessions and the kind of solidarity building that can only come from 12 hour group library sessions the night before a deadline. Consider getting work during freshers week a blessing in a really really good disguise, and bond over it like you will have to for the next three years. 

4. Freshers' Fair

Sign up to every club and society you see at your own peril. All I will tell you is that I still get regular weekly emails from something called the Fairy Cupcake club. 

5. College Envy

It is a truth universally acknowledged that within two days of getting to Cambridge you will wholeheartedly and unashamedly envy another college. Wandering through the freshers' halls of residence, it is not uncommon to overhear 'how good the food is at Catz', or 'how much fun they have at Pembroke', or, even, in desperate times, how 'I met some really lovely people at Girton and don’t think I’d mind the cycle into town.'

Rest assured though, every college has something special about it and there’s a reason why your college chose you. They could have thrown you back into the pool with a glowing recommendation, but they did not. Repeat these words to yourself for long enough and you will be well on your way to a strong sense of College pride and a visceral hatred of everyone else in Cambridge, as it should be.