It took real self-restraint not to begin this column with "Hello Cambridge! Hello Freshers! " perhaps capitalised to up the cringe-factor. I assume that the new Mrs Williams, like me, fell head-over-heels for Robbie, when c.1996, he let out the somehow breathtakingly attractive cry of "Hello Knebworth" and revealed his tiny torso. Anyway before I Come Undone (sorry) with the desire to Feel Robbie’s real love (I hope my DoS isn’t reading this), I will explain this probably inexplicable digression: this article is dedicated to you, freshers.

Cambridge is a town of dreams, but slightly compromised ones. Bedrooms are made, not of wood panelling, but of bricks salvaged from prison cells. The girl met on a three-legged pub crawl is slightly less fun a week of vomiting later. And the wind blows bitterly literally non-stop. Gastronomic dreams too must be altered.

You do not, however, have to stoop daily to the mysterious Tandoori Crunch. Among essay crises, cheesy chips and Lord of the Rings re-enactment societies, don’t forget to cook. My editor, when interviewing me, looked me in the eye and said "Do you think that anyone will ever cook anything you ever recommend?" At the time I was sucking-up furiously so did not say what I now can: I see absolutely no reason why not.

College kitchens offer little more than a microwave and a toaster, so yes, dismiss Brideshead-induced fantasies. Scrap scallops. Forget pheasant. Think instead of Covent Garden Soup (eternally cut-price) transformed by throwing in some spinach to float wistfully, Lady of Shalott style. Accompany with some tomato bruschetta (toast topped with chopped tomatoes and basil). This couscous and pomegranate salad can be cooked using only a knife, fork, bowl and kettle. Should you venture to the kitchen, add a grilled chicken breast to the salad. I, personally, won’t be leaving my room after those horrendous Robbie Williams jokes.

Serves you and 3 college siblings, before you all go out and shake your rudeboxes.

Ingredients

Half a packet of couscous
3 tablespoonfuls of the nicest olive oil you can afford
1 tin of chickpeas
½ pomegranate
1 red onion
Half a bunch of parsley
Bunch of spring onions, topped and tailed
1 chilli
1 packet of feta, crumbled into large chunks
Juice of 1 lemon
Flaked almonds / sunflower seeds

Tip couscous into a large bowl. Add an equal bulk of boiling water, and the olive oil. Leave to stand for 5 mins, then stir with a fork. Drain chickpeas and dry on kitchen paper to avoid sogginess. Bash the outside of the pomegranate hard, then scoop out any seeds that are not dislodged, avoiding white pith.

Chop the onion, parsley, spring onions and chilli finely, then stir into the couscous. Add the feta and lemon juice. Sprinkle with almonds or sunflower seeds. Season liberally with salt and pepper.