I resolved in the New Year to take better care of my mental health. I was done with breakdowns, days where it seemed like all I had done was cry, being angry and – to quote a friend – mardy with those I cared about. At times during Michaelmas I would feel like I was a total burden on those I loved: we’re all here, I would think, we all have stress, so why do I have to be the one who makes everyone feel bad for me? I felt selfish.

Cava poured, fireworks lit and ‘Auld Lang Syne’ sung and I promised myself that this Lent I would not neglect my health, not allow myself to become a burden ­– I would take control. The irony with poor mental health is the self-cultivating idea that you are a burden, and therefore weak, and should maintain control the entire time. But when your anxiety or depression is magnified by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), the prospect of ‘starting anew’ in the New Year is tougher than it is for most.

SAD is the exacerbated symptoms of depression and anxiety, taking the form of sleep problems, mood swings, tearfulness, panic attacks, loss of an interest in sex, and a more fragile immune system, to name a few symptoms. It is most common in the winter, though it can occur in the summer months, and is due to a lack of sunlight (and that oh-so-important Vitamin D), a disrupted body clock, low serotonin levels and high melatonin levels. Many people suffer from ‘winter blues’, feeling more tired and irritable during the winter months, but for some, SAD turns the dark months into a suffocating time of recurring ill health and depression.

“Exhaustion and being overworked, combined with the dire meteorological existence that is East Anglia, make for SAD – or blue – students.”

I am lucky: my anxiety sucks, but it is mild, un-medicated and – although it doesn’t often feel this way – very manageable. But I won’t lie that I don’t notice a difference during the winter – have you ever noticed the panic of feeling you’ve accomplished nothing because the days are so short? Or the realisation that you haven’t felt the sun for weeks and fear you never will again? Or simply just feeling tired, because we really should be getting 10 hours of sleep in the winter, but the lucky students among us only get six.

Our environment and surroundings can make the effects of SAD much worse, and the environment at Cambridge is far from ideal. As I said, we should be getting more sleep, but the pressure to go out to clubs, stay up late finishing essays or supervision work or write a last minute Varsity article seem too strong and compelling a reason to call it a night, get our 40 winks and actually feel well rested and like we have our lives under control. Exhaustion and being overworked, combined with the dire meteorological existence that is East Anglia, make for SAD – or blue – students.

The real ‘sadness’ about SAD is that there just isn’t enough awareness or understanding. Feeling a bit blue because it’s winter is seen by many (including SAD sufferers) as nothing you can’t power through. We spend the majority of our time here unhealthily stressed. Combine that with the fact that two thirds of our degree takes place in the autumn and winter months and we’re in for a recipe to be made in a pressure cooker.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Yes, there’s Student Minds, and JCR/ MCR welfare, but sometimes it feels that these institutions only exist to make it okay for you to push yourself to do too much. There needs to be preventative, not reactive, approaches to mental health. If there’s one thing we can count on, it’s the progression of time; the University knows (to quote Game of Thrones) that “winter is coming”, and – don’t kid yourself – it knows that the life here is stressful to the point of distraction. There needs to be action, understanding, and compassion for those among us – myself included – who live and work with the effects of SAD.

Until there is, read up on SAD here and here.

When there are sudden moments of sunlight in this rather beautiful city, you can find me on Clare Bridge, trying to soak up the sun. Do come and join.