My mouth was wide open and dribbling, my hair was covering my face and the side of my head hurt. I saw nothing but I heard from the distance someone talking about something complicated, something to do with biochemistry involving the letter ‘x’. This was all incredibly confusing. That’s when I was nudged into wakefulness by a nervous-looking chemistry student. It was early in the morning, I was away from home and sitting in a room surrounded by clever people listening to someone talk what sounded like gibberish. Little did I know this would be part of a life-changing couple of days.

At this point, I’ll remember I’m writing an article for Varsity and not a short story for a Key Stage 2 creative writing competition. The CUSU Shadowing Scheme came and went again this year and I felt a pang of guilt for not getting involved. Without it, I probably wouldn’t have applied. It wasn’t perfect but it did its job. It got me hooked.

"What struck me was just how un-cold, un-elitist and un-competitive it seemed to be. Everyone just got on"

If I might throw out some labels, I’m a state school kid from a Northern ex-mining village. Three years ago, I lived in a community where it felt Cambridge would be a million miles from what I knew, and in all the wrong ways. The image I had of this place was the classic one – cold, elitist and purely competitive. I do happen to think the University could do a lot better when it comes to access and promoting Cambridge as anti-elitist, but this article today isn’t about that. This article is about the opportunity I took to see for myself what Cambridge could be like by taking part in the shadowing scheme. I applied, cautiously, to shadow a biologist – I loved biology at the time. I didn’t get placed with a biologist, but a chemist. Today, I study linguistics.

I don’t mind telling you that arriving in Cambridge was terrifying. My hands went cold with nerves. When my mentor turned up, I expected to see a tweed-jacketed, pipe-smoking bowtie-enthusiast but he wasn’t that. He was sort of geeky, but essentially perfectly normal. As a shadow I felt an obligation to ask him questions, so I went to the extreme. No stone was left unturned. There came a point when I was left asking him where he got his socks from, as I had similar ones. Matalan, if you’re interested – I don’t think either of us were.

I couldn’t help feeling like I was bothering him, like I was the school hamster he’d been asked to look after over the weekend. He showed me his college, Trinity Hall. It’s my college now. In the bar he chatted with some people and I got talking to a linguist. I had loads of questions about her course and she answered them warmly. It’s my course now. The feeling of being the school hamster was exacerbated when my chemist said “so what do you want us to do over these few days?”. I had no concrete answers so pointed to a few things in the shadowing scheme timetable which looked alright. Then he ran off to a lecture and I was left to wander the streets, feeling like a stray. This wasn’t my home, but his. It’s my home now.

Cambridge and I: the question of identity

I went to a supervision with him but I think I’d have gathered more meaning from listening to white noise for an hour. It was not until that night when I realised I’d have to apply. I went to a pub with the chemist and met a whole bunch of different people and what struck me was just how un-cold, un-elitist and un-competitive it seemed to be. Everyone just got on. Then we went to the Footlights comedy show which was just brilliant.

On the way back to the accommodation at Wychfield, a long way out of town, I got talking to a girl studying languages called Kelsey. She spoke to me in a way that made it seem possible that I might get to Cambridge. She was honest about the flaws but encouraging and friendly and she made the whole thing seem within reach. It was one of the most memorable and important conversations of my life and I told her so towards the end of my first year here. That night, I left a memo on my phone that I must apply. I was up all night thinking about it. And then, at nine in the morning, I was sleeping in a lecture theatre.

And then, three years later, I’m sitting in a room in Wychfield writing an article for Varsity: a dream realised and all thanks to that CUSU Shadowing Scheme. I guess I’ll be applying to have a shadow next year