A festive tipple too many

Molly Biddell on why she won’t be indulging in Fudge Frappuccinos or Gingerbread Lattes this festive season

“For me, that gingerbread man on the top of the latte is not Christmas”, says Molly Biddell. Randy Heinitz

by Molly Biddell

Thursday December 22 2016, 2:02am

The joy of Yuletide festivities at Cambridge lies with their endless nature. Thanks to Bridgemas, us students are lucky enough to spend nearly one sixth of our year cooing over tinsel, snowflake, and Santa-themed paraphernalia, legitimately donning Primark’s gaudiest Christmas garms as soon as we hit November. No wonder, therefore, that by 19th December, I find myself slightly jaded by the boundless bustle, bargains, and bagfulls of Christmas delight. Call me boring, call me Scrooge, but I am just about satiated with the glitz and sparkle that is flung around everywhere, like confetti thrown by an alarmingly liberal four-year-old bridesmaid.

An important part of the potpourri of this Christmas consumption is The Seasonal Drink. Costa, Starbucks, and Caffè Nero have all eagerly jumped on the sleigh of Noël hype – enticing guileless shoppers into a festive world of Gingerbread Lattes and Fudge Frappuccinos. The specialities on offer create a mouth-watering cornucopia of indulgence, an eloquent symbol of the unfettered consumption that fattens our Christmas sprees. People obsess over them, with a whole website dedicated to the countdown to Starbucks’ Red Cups. However, rather than continue my Scroogian cynicism and denounce Christmas drinks entirely, I decided to give them a taste.

“Call me boring, call me Scrooge, but I am just about satiated with the glitz and sparkle that is flung around everywhere”

According to a Daily Mirror poll, Costa makes the best Christmas drinks. However, let’s face it, all these thirst quenchers are only for the most sweet-toothed among us. Starbucks’ Fudge Hot Chocolate comes top of the list for the richest, with Costa’s Salted Caramel Cappuccino coming close behind. Give any Eggnog Latte a miss, and Mint Hot Chocolates just shouldn’t be sold, unless you want to feel you are licking the bottom of a budgerigar cage.

It’s not all flavour, though – Christmas drinks being as much about style as they are about substance. There is always fuss made about the paper cup design; last year Starbucks were criticised for ‘taking the Jesus out of Christmas’ with its blank red cup. Apparently adding a snowman (or some equally festive emblem) would have made it a whole load holier. McCafé made a bit of a blunder with their design this year, illustrating two white mittens, the problem being that when fingers are drawn on the mittens, the holiday cups appear to show hands exposing a person’s backside. Someone tweeted that McDonald’s ‘spreading holiday cheer’ takes on an entirely new meaning with this design.

Having perused Costa’s website, the commercialism of these seasonal drinks is clear. Each drink has an explanatory video; Michael (an achingly attractive 20-something year old) enlightened us by explaining that the decorative gingerbread man is what makes the Gingerbread Latte his favourite Christmas drink. Michael hopes for a nice cold snowy day to drink his. Well Michael, I hope your wish came true.

The best thing about these drinks is that, in drinking them, you are also giving money to charity. Starbucks give 5p to charity every time a festive drink is bought, meaning each sugar-filled sip is a step forward for philanthropy. Never mind Starbucks’ tax evasion, or the exploited coffee bean growers in Ethiopia, as customers take a Starbucks’ geo-filtered selfie with their drink, they are happy in the knowledge that they have given their little bit this Christmas.

Apologies to those of you who eagerly checked countdowntoredcups.com for the Festive Drink release, or believe that Christmas is not Christmas without a Black Forest Hot Chocolate. Maybe you are one of the sweeter toothed, and a toffee nut cappuccino has you salivating – as long as you are aware of the false rip-off you are buying in to. For me, that gingerbread man on the top of the latte is not Christmas. For me the sugar coated commercial strategy used by these corporations is a reminder of the unsustainable capitalist consumption that Christmas has sadly come to epitomise. The tacky, plastic, saccharine aftertaste of it all. One thing’s certain this Christmas, I won’t be wasting my precious calorie rations on Seasonal Drinks – give me turkey and bread sauce any day

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