The Oscars this Sunday mark the end of awards season: sad news for statuette engravers, excellent news for my productivity levels.

The amount of times in the last few months that my friends and I could be found hidden in the library scrolling through red carpet photos and poring over dresses, when we should have been poring over journal articles, are too numerous to bear thinking about. It hasn’t been a complete waste of time, though.* Here are some things I’ve learnt:

How to combine work with my addiction to live feeds. Twitter is bad enough, but awards season is a different ball game entirely. The good news is I’ve got pretty good at pretending to read articles while stealthily refreshing a tab on my phone every three minutes for news of further wins.

I should never designate the morning after an awards ceremony for important work because I will invariably end up flicking between fashion blogs and YouTube as I deconstruct every wardrobe decision and watch every single acceptance speech and press room video available.

I must accept that I will never be as classy as Lupita Nyong’o. I can’t decide if her best look was the bright blue SAG awards dress or the emerald green Dior gown she sported at the BAFTAs. I just know that I really need to borrow one of them for May Week.

Critics love to moralise. It’s all ‘Everyone must watch 12 Years a Slave for its stark portrayal of slavery’, and ‘No one should watch The Wolf of Wall Street unless they support exploiting the poor and degrading women’. Yes, everyone should watch 12 Years A Slave, but everyone should watch The Wolf of Wall Street as well. Why? Because they’re both brilliant films. I’d like to think that I have enough of a moral compass myself to acknowledge that the behaviour exhibited by DiCaprio et al is probably not the epitome of moral conduct.

This Jennifer Lawrence infatuation is getting out of hand. It’s not like I don’t love her. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve spent slightly too long watching her photobombing Sarah Jessica Parker, revelled perhaps a little too much in my ‘Awards Season J-Law’ result on BuzzFeed’s ‘Which Jennifer Lawrence are you?’ quiz, and would cite the microwave incident in American Hustle as one of my favourite cinema moments of the season. But truthfully, that Golden Globe probably belonged to Lupita. Ditto the BAFTA.

So hurry along Oscars, and bring this period of procrastination to a close. Oh, and please keep your speeches brief and your dresses unremarkable – I’ve got an essay to write on Monday.
*Okay. It probably has.