Cambridge may be more right-wing than we thinkFlickr: Dave A

Dear Righty,

On the Eve of the General Election, I thought I would write to you. This must be a very difficult time for you. Cambridge Labour are commendably campaigning with all their might, and our very own Varsity survey suggests that only 24 per cent of students will vote Tory. You must be very lonely, Righty.

But please don’t be too sad, friend: I, like the rest of the student left, am just as lonely as you – if not more so.

The only difference between us, Righty, is that you are still in the closet – the Right-Wing Closet. With so many faux socialists, vintage wearers and Bob Dylan lovers around you, I understand that you feel alone. But there really are so many more people in the closet than you might think.

For, dear friend, Cambridge isn’t as lefty as it likes to think. Those boys and girls who wear gap year bracelets with flowers in their hair are really on your side. Sure, they might look down on you now, but, on Thursday, the Ballot Box will unite you both. To borrow from Bob Dylan, the times, they are a changin’, man.

But, of course, you both won't go to the polling station - you'll have sent your postal vote from the Right-Wing Closet. So many, like you, suffer in silence. I have spoken to people during this campaign who have looked down at the floor, with embarrassment in their eyes, as they tell me that they will vote Tory. One girl “felt bad” as she had already posted her vote and there was “no going back now”.

I’m sure there’s no going back with you either. You are set in your ways. You will vote for Dave – sorry, David – in a couple of days because it just makes sense. Your nana’s on her death bed and has left you her life savings. A higher rate of inheritance tax is the last thing you need.

Excuse my sarcasm, Righty. I know that there are some things we both agree on. You’re upset about the demonisation of the immigrant. You agree that UKIP is a step to the right too far. You’d rather cover your own head with tulips and roses than be governed by Nigel Farage and his mob.

But, unlike me, you are convinced that we need less regulation, and you haven’t quite made your mind up about Europe.

It is with this in mind, then, that I urge you to come out of the Right-Wing Closet. I am a hard-back Lefty – I have campaigned with the Labour Party since I was 13. But I do not hate you. I do not think you are deplorable. You have every right to come out and speak your mind. Debate is healthy.

Of course, I only invite you to come out so that we can talk things over. Maybe I’ll change your mind; maybe I won’t. But any liberal democracy worth the name shouldn’t stop me from trying – or stop you from coming out. Because when you do, we’ll sit down, and I’ll try to win your heart.

I’ll remind you of what deregulation has done in the past – trusting in big business is never a good idea. I’ll speak fondly of Europe, and invite you to consider all the great things it has done for us, such as the European Convention on Human Rights and a court in Strasbourg to make sure the legal injustices of the 1980s are never repeated again.

You’ll tell me that it’s not the place of a supranational court to impose binding judgments on us. We’ll probably end up agreeing to disagree, but that doesn’t matter, because we will have talked things over.

I know exactly what it is like when the tide is against you. I understand that you have your reservations. But you really are not alone. The Varsity survey tells you that you are. The boy with the flowers in his hair tells you are. Your heart tells you that you should be.

But you are not. Cambridge is not a bastion of socialism. It’s just full of a handful of annoying loudmouths like me who create that illusion. But a wave of conservatism has taken Europe by storm, and soon, I’ll be persecuted in the same way you are.

In the fullness of time, you’ll write an article urging me to come out of the Left-Wing Closet because, like me, you’ll know that is what you need to do.

Lovingly and supportively yours,

Lefty