“The feminists had destroyed the old image of woman, but they could not erase the hostility, the prejudice, the discrimination that still remained.” These words, taken from Betty Friedan’s history-changing The Feminine Mystique, appear obsolete in 21st century Britain, but they are very much alive and kicking; only now, they kick not in the womb of the archetypal ‘bra-burning’ feminist of the 1960s, but in the womb of the ostensibly liberated working woman of Britain today. The paradigm of a feminist has changed, but the hostility, prejudice and discrimination of men has not. Change has been cosmetic, not substantive. 

It is no surprise, then, that in an anonymous Cambridge survey, 80% of women said they regularly masturbate; 16% said that they don’t; while 4% abstained from the question. When asked if they spoke about masturbation with their friends, 68% answered ‘no’, while 32% answered ‘yes’. Interestingly, the 4% who declined to comment about whether they masturbate at all said that they regularly talk about it with their friends – not even the cloak of anonymity could get some people to spill all.

Foraging into the undergrowth of stigma and repressionSimon Lock

These statistics reaffirm the taboo which surrounds female masturbation. When asked why they thought female masturbation is more of a taboo than male masturbation, responses focused on gendered perceptions of what is ‘acceptable’. One respondent, however, responded with one word: “intrusion”.

Can the theme of intrusion really explain the taboo? I think it can. Join me on a journey into the realm of taboo to find out why.

Let’s start with heterosexual vaginal sex. We’re safe here, and nowhere near the gates of Taboo. This is the status quo. The act sets the standard on which everything else is judged. This is the aspiration for anyone who wants to feel unfettered social acceptance. Why? The intrusion of a man on a woman’s bodily integrity is perfectly acceptable; so, too, is vaginal penetration with a man’s penis. Men still see women as their property; and, of course, you can’t trespass on your own land. In fact, in some places around the world it might help to be married, but this focuses on the circumstances rather than the act.

Let’s change things up a bit – heterosexual anal sex. We find ourselves at the gates of Taboo now, but we haven’t trespassed just yet. History explains why we’re now teetering on the realm of gasps and raised eyebrows. Being the property of men, women had sex whenever they were asked for it – even during menstruation. It was seen to be dirty. And let’s not forget the associations with scandal; the lack of contraception back then meant that anal was the only recourse to extra or pre-marital lovers. Such scandal, which dominated the clergy back then, lives on today. The male intrusion itself is still justified; the implications of anal sex muddy the waters.

Let’s keep the orifice the same, but alter the gender. Ok, be careful now, we’re in Tabooland. The intrusion is now unacceptable as it represents the fall of patriarchy; the subordination of one man is the relegation of the rest. The intrusion on bodily integrity, which is perfectly acceptable in heterosexual sex, is unacceptable here; anal penetration now counts as trespass because it carries with it implications of de-masculinisation and control. Men are not controlled: they control.

Let’s go further into the realm of Taboo – female masturbation. A woman intruding on her own bodily integrity? You can’t be serious. Why would she? You’re not telling me that women actually have sexual desires and fantasies, are you? And who said that she had the right to self-determination anyway? That vagina does not belong to her; it is the property of men. More than unacceptable, this is trespass to property – patriarchy’s property. Fingers, dildos or vibrators – she can use what she likes, it’s not a penis, and therefore it’s trespass. Of course, it doesn't matter that she might never make an 'intrusion'; the perception that she does is enough to put her in the dock.

Quick, let’s leave Tabooland. Close the gate behind you. Phew, that was a lucky escape. Where are we now? Male masturbation. There is no intrusion here. Carol Ann Duffy’s brilliant poem “Frau Freud” light-heartedly labels the penis as the “wife’s best friend”, “member and jock”, the “python”, “Hunt-the-Salami”, and a plethora of other comical terms which highlight that the “ding-a-ling” is seen as an ‘external’ part of the man. Of course, the women of the world must be letting him down if he’s had to resort to a lonesome tug. Bad women. How dare you? As we have said, change has been cosmetic, not substantive.

One thing to bear in mind, though, let’s not talk about the intrusive things a man can do with his finger late at night when the world has let him down. They’ll all deny it, but the smiles on their faces tell a very, very different story. I only wish I knew why they were so elated: I never do it myself. Honest.