Life at Cambridge is hard. Not only do we have to pass exams to get our degree, but eight weeks must also be spent within a three mile radius of St. Mary’s church. The legend of the plastic tubes which descend from the sky, beaming you back within the boundary, is well documented: how else to explain the number of people who find themselves outside Gardi’s at some obscene hour in the morning, without knowing what happened or how they got there? Yet there is one road out, one portal known only to the brave, which still remains open. It is this secret which I must impart to you today.

At the crossroads between Silver Street and Sidgwick Avenue turn left and head down Newhnam road. It is long and there are dangerous cars. The sense of pilgrimage grows stronger at each step. Eventually you will hit on a terraced street which bears the name of our destination. Resist the urge to take off your shoes and walk wetshoed: as I said, the road is long. Head right at the end of the street and see the green, heightening, heightening until you reach… a gate. Here lieth the portal.

Teeter nervously a moment on the edge of a tarmac path which stretches out over fields. So far the walk has been short and the as yet unborn essay still pleads within you. Twenty minutes past this portal places you firmly “In Granchester”. The name itself is a charm, hastening you on.

Resist the urge to take off your shoes and walk wetshoed

Take the path or follow the river. Sometimes there are bonfires to light your way. And there are fauns. Or Rupert Brooke said so. I once saw a Viking re-enactment. So you’ll go? Then onwards gentle soldier, the reward is yet to come!

Grantchester’s attractions are many. The scones at The Orchard are huge, but don’t let your explorer’s spirit be lulled asleep: find out and mock the tawdry statue of Brooke in Jeffery Archer’s garden. Visit the church. Now you know the way, I must leave you, hence to return to the civitatula refreshed. Upon return you will find that the tower of the UL no longer glowers above the trees but softly smiles, welcoming you back into the fold.