LUKAKU: EVERTON

It’s been a steady start to the season for Drogba Jr, with three goals to show for his efforts thus far. But, like Everton, he will surely only improve. A distinctly top-heavy side, Everton will be relying on their wealth of attacking talent to compensate for what has already been shown this season to be a very suspect back line. Goals are headed the way of this exceptionally large man.

COSTA: CHELSEA

Strength, pace, finishing and a middle aged face — these are the building blocks of the modern game’s best forwards. There’s no doubt that Diego Costa has been the star of the Premier League season thus far and his stunning form looks set to continue. Barring crisis, I expect him to win this year’s Golden Boot.

FALCAO: MANCHESTER UTD

If this signing doesn’t reek of Fernando Torres, I don’t know what does. Falcao may once have been one of the most feared strikers on the planet, but following a season at Monaco plagued by injury and poor football, his move to the Premier League could not have come at a worse time in his career. Already overshadowed by Angel Di Maria, I’m struggling to see anything other than another famous flop. 

WELBECK: ARSENAL

Almost certainly bought by Wenger ‘for the bants’.
Now, there are those who say that given the ‘right opportunities’, Welbeck could be a very good player. These people are wrong. One Champions League hat-trick does not make you a great player; it doesn’t even make you an average one. Just ask Nicholas Bendtner.

ULLOA: LEICESTER

Hugely reliant on his performance this season are both Leicester’s survival chances, and perhaps more importantly, my Fantasy Premier League team. It would perhaps have been a little naïve (stupid) to have believed that his initial form of five goals in five games would be sustainable, but Ulloa has already shown that he has the movement and finishing to compete with the very best.

PELLE: SOUTHAMPTON

He may well have already grabbed himself a tidy sum of goals at Southampton, but have no doubt that his remarkably high propensity to ‘have a howler’ will eventually catch up with him.

In truth, Dusan Tadic is the one to watch this season. And whilst Pelle is in the enviable position of being able to feed off of Tadic’s brilliance, he simply hasn’t got enough ability to sustain it.

AGUERO: MANCHESTER CITY

Being a part-time outpatient doesn’t mean you can’t also be labelled by Mauricio Pochettino as “the best striker in the world”. Injury will likely mean that he won’t play every game this season, but with service coming from the likes of David Silva, Samir Nasri (when he’s not also injured) and Yaya Toure (when he’s not having a birthday cake-based crisis) there’s no way that Aguero won’t be fighting for the top.

BALOTELLI: LIVERPOOL

At least he’s trying. Oh wait....