Internationally renowned Professor of Astrophysics Stephen Hawking has analysed data from every one of England's failed football World Cup campaigns since 1966, and has produced a formula which should see the national team power through to victory in Brazil. 

In research commissioned by bookmakers Paddy Power, Hawking has argued that analysing the “environmental, physiological, psychological, political and tactical variables” have allowed him to calculate England's chances of winning. 

Hawking recommends that England play in red, noting that “Statistically England’s red kit is more successful and we should play 4-3-3 rather than 4-4-2. Psychologists in Germany found red makes teams feel more confident and can lead them to being perceived as more aggressive and dominant. Likewise, 4-3-3 is more positive so the team benefits for similar psychological reasons."

However, Hawking notes that a 5C rise in temperatures could slash England's chances by up to 59 per cent, whereas playing at or below 500 meters above sea level could double the likelihood of a victory. The role of the heat and humidity also means that matches beginning after 3:00pm local time will play to England's strengths. 

Looking ahead to England's game against Uraguay on 19th June (in Sao Paulo, beginning at 4:00pm, but unfortunately 760 meters above sea level), Hawking predicts that a European referee will greatly increase England's chances, as European referees are "more sympathetic to the English game and less sympathetic to ballerinas like [Luis] Suarez." 

Hawking has also set out his approach for tackling England's persistant problem with penalty shootouts, claiming that “as we say in science, England couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo”. He adds that penalties should be hit with "some welly", but that "velocity is nothing without placement". 84 per cent of penalties hit towards the upper corners of the goal will score - meaning that strikers, who are able to place the ball better than midfielders and defenders, are the obvious choice for penalty shootouts. Hawking also notes that hitting the ball with the side of the foot rather than with the laces increases its chances of finding the back of the net by 10 per cent, and, strangely, bald and fair-haired players tend to perform better in terms of penalties.

However, Hawking has ruled that England's chances are low overall thanks to the Brazilian heat, altitude and distance from home, because “like all animals, the England team are creatures of habit" and will be hampered by cultural differences and jetlag.

Bookmakers Paddy Power, commenting on the Professor's findings, added that Hawking's contribution should be of interest to England manager, Roy Hodgson: "It’s not too late for Roy to add the Professor to his backroom staff."

Whether Hawking's ideas have been taken on board will become clear when the team steps out for their first group-stage game against Italy on 14 June.