English students get antsy
Communities of ants living in the English Faculty face decimation after students begin drinking them
A curious form of exam term behaviour has been noted in the English Faculty, where students are trying to spice up the breaks between glossing Cymbeline. In what has been reported as an attempt to cement the reputation of English students as progressive, imaginative and far too hipster for sugar, ants have become the latest thing to improve the taste of afternoon tea.
Following a successful trial run last year, where ants were intermittently dropped into coffee and tea to gauge student reactions, today saw the formal launch of ants as an alternative to milk for students using the English Faculty’s coffee machine. To celebrate the launch day, students faced no additional charge – or choice – about whether or not they would be find the little critters swimming around their mocha.
Though the medical benefits of eating ant-flesh gently simmered in builders' tea have not yet been corroborated by scientific data, many students have reported they feel better able to pay attention, particularly to what they put in their mouths.
Such was the popularity of the new ingredient that the coffee machine in the faculty quickly broke from the demand and is currently out of service. However, not all students are happy with the change.
The ants were not available for comment.
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