Another term, another slew of celluloid confections to rot your teeth and textbook-addled minds. That’s right, kids, we are approaching blockbuster season, and this summer provides you ample opportunity to cast your minds onto more fantastical shores, replete with enough bangs to shut down a cartoon toy gun store. This season’s offerings provide us with something of a sliding scale of tent-pole cinema, oscillating between the high-brow and the, anticipatorily speaking, shit.

First, and most exciting, is Ridley Scott’s return to the ‘Alien’ franchise with Alien: Covenant, after dipping his toe in the quasi-prequel waters of Prometheus. Alien: Covenant is a direct prequel to the first Alien film, and promises to expand on Alien’s ‘haunted-house in space’ stylings, with the early trailers intimating an eeriness that has more in common with the sombreness of Scott’s original rather than James Cameron’s more bombastic Aliens. Perhaps Scott can return the franchise back to sophistication following the abortive efforts of Aliens and Alien: Resurrection. Say what you will of the portentous Prometheus: it’s philosophical ambition can’t be faulted, even if it did fall short of Kubrickian wonder. However, with a little tightening of the script, Alien: Covenant promises us a cinematic resurrection. Hell, it’s even got Danny McBride in it.

Next, the needle trembling uncertainly between dire and sublime is DC/Warner Bros Wonder Woman. Why the ambivalence, Pany? Well, it’s feigned ambivalence to be frank. I’m a stone-cold defender of the baroque and somewhat bloated Batman vs Superman, and another opportunity to spend time in Zach Snyder’s overtly religious cinematic universe fills me with the kind of fervent excitement only seen by the likes of Margery Kempe. Still, if you weren’t such a fan of the battle of the caped-Christs, perhaps Wonder Woman will infuse some much needed humour into proceedings. A common complaint (not mine) of Batman vs Superman was that it lacked the tongue-in-cheek charm of Marvel’s output; Wonder Woman seeks to rectify this, and trailers so far suggest an odd couple dynamic between Chris Pine and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman. Will Wonder Woman deliver? I hope, with every kernel of popcorn in my bucket, it does.

Review: That’s Life

And now to the shit. And by ‘shit’ I mean: a film I have absolutely no interest in but, to fill word count and to do my duty on this, my final article as Film and TV Editor, feel obligated to inform you of. That’s right, we’re talking Baywatch. Going where 21 Jump Street and only 21 Jump Street prevailed – the ironic comedy reboot of a schlocky 80s/early 90s TV drama. Do I care particularly for a flexing Zac Efron, his body looking like it’s been whittled from a tea stained candle, going toe to toe with a straight faced The Rock (yes, I called him The Rock. When you star in trash, you deserve to be called by the moniker of your trash wrestling show)? – No. I don’t know when studios decided to circumvent originality for ironic pastiche, but let me tell you, these shows never needed ironizing; they are artefacts of cheese and narrative absurdity. You’d be hard pressed to find any writer extolling their merits as though they were Pulitzer-winning drama. If you want a real comedy, keep your eyes peeled for the re-release of Woody Allen’s Manhattan (just in case I didn’t make it clear how culturally advanced I think I am)