Phoebe Lindsley on how to maximise exam term pulling potential
by Phoebe Lindsley
Saturday 28th April 2012, 17:36 BST
You will inevitably see your crush in the library this term, so why not procrastinate by working on your library chic - and get ready to pull come May week? Libraries have endless halls that act as an ideal catwalk, as well as a perfectly controlled climate which ensures that weather does not have to be a factor in your getting ready that morning. Who doesn’t snoop at what every girl has decided to wear whilst stalking the West Room? Or get a shiver of excitement at the smile of recognition from the person you've seen three days in a row in the Tea Room queue? For these reasons you should always dress well in the library: these days, you’re more likely to pull in the UL than dancing in da club.
During exam term an entirely new demographic of less diligent (read cool, fun, stylish and sexy) students enter the library looking for love, as well as a First (or a 2:1, maybe even a 2:2 but please, please not a Third). So, if you want a date follow these hot tips.
Firstly tuck your Law book inside a Maths one (although they are both worthwhile subjects, maths is inherently - some may say infinitely - sexier) = Integrals > Tort Law.
Only wear glasses if you need them, and then only in a post-ironic serious way: no one wants to look like Tinie Tempah on a modafinil trip.
In the same way in which you assess whether you revise best by drawing pictures, reading aloud or cutting your notes up into tiny little pieces and sticking them back together, you need to decide whether you prefer to revise in a restricting outfit or a comforting one. I understand a baggy ensemble is comfy, but it increases the chances of you falling asleep at your desk threefold. A restricting outfit is more likely to bind you into an upright revising position, confining you to hours of productive learning. Try on a pair of supershortshorts that give you a constant wedgie. The shifting and shuffling caused by said shorts will not only keep you awake, but get you noticed by that brooding intellectual in the corner.
Another decision you have to make concerns footwear. The most neighbourly and library friendly choice is probably some sort of padding, shuffling slipper but who wants to go out with a demure, mousy, slipper-wearing Mark Zuckerberg wannabe? I would advise you to go for a small heel which echoes around the room and gets you noticed, as you walk to the stacks: but make sure it’s in a chic, sexy, grown-up mum kind of way, not in the manner of a stripper taking to the pole.
Work on your concentration face - that brooding beauty in the corner has got the right idea. Look mysterious and interesting, but do not screw up your face in concentration! This will only lead to wrinkles and a lifetime of bleeding money on Elizabeth Arden 8 hour cream.
The sexy librarian look has been done, done, done, done to death and is probably being attempted by the real librarian behind the desk as you read this. Don’t get sucked into the realms of meta-library-chic-hell, where library users look like library staff and you never know who to ask for help with getting that book out. Keep it fun, restrictive (binding if possible) and I’m sure you’ll find both the man and grades of your dreams.